The Hollywood Education: The Wolverine

The Wolverine was released four years after the best montage and worst Deadpool were paired in a single film. Returning to form and reminding us why Logan is such a badass, it had a lot to teach us. Here are ten (or technically seven) things 2013’s portrayal of The Wolverine showed us:

1. Don’t mess with the huge, jacked man named Hugh Jackman.

2. Even the robots in Japan are ninjas and samurais.

3. Do. Not. Mess with The Wolverine.

4. A fight on top of a bullet train is 10 times more awesome than a fight on a regular train.

5. Seriously, why are people still messing with Hugh Jackman? All he wants to do is retire in peace. Okay, maybe not peace, but he wants to retire.

6. Superheroes have very vivid dreams.

7. Beware the pretty woman; she’s a venomous supermutant trying to kill you about fifty percent of the time.

8. Samurai swords take two hands (and you thought I couldn’t be serious about anything…)

9. What happens after the credits is always way more interesting than the movie itself.

10. I do not want to pick a fight with Hugh Jackman…because….YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE F***ING WOLVERINE! GOSH. It’s like these guys didn’t watch X-Men. Or X2. Or Last Stand. Or…that one no one likes to talk about, but had a really cool opening montage.

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The Hollywood Education: The Hunger Games

The Hunger Games books and subsequent film series took the world by storm in the early 2010s. The post-apocalyptic hellscape that was depicted seemed almost possible, but still firmly rested in the land of fantasy. As we have learned in years since, this apocalypse is closer to being a reality than we originally thought. So…what else can we learn from The Hunger Games?

1. It’s all fun and games after someone gets hurt.

2. Climbing trees is an essential life skill.

3. If you are dying in the woods, the most important thing you should do is cover yourself in an elaborate camouflage.

4. If you threaten to eat fruit on live television, people will give you what you want.

5. The government really is out to get you.

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New Merch Store

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The Hollywood Education: The Fast and the Furious

The Fast and the Furious, and its forty-six thousand sequels, are a realistic look at what Hollywood writers think life outside the studio is like. Fast cars, beautiful people, and horrendous car crashes every sixteen minutes. Here are a few things the Fast and the Furious can teach you about your everyday life:

1. You’re car can do that…

2. “I’ll take the tuna” is the best way to say “we should go out sometime.”

3. Yes, everyone else is out street racing while you snore soundly in your bed.

4. Physics? Hahaha…yeah, do you believe in Santa Clause too?

5. You should race that train; you’ll be fine.

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