The Hollywood Education: Movie Logic

Movie logic dictates that certain things just need to happen for the world to keep spinning. There are certain truths that are intrinsic to the fabric of the very universe, and upon these things we base our science, governments, and belief systems. Here are 13 examples of movie logic that holds the universe together.

The Laws of Necessary Crime and Violence

1. Banks get robbed, like, every day.

2. If you beat someone up and take their clothes, they will fit you perfectly.

3. Every crime is caught on camera.

4. Every argument requires pointing guns, throwing things, and several broken panes of glass.

5. As you lay dying, you will be able to utter one last incredibly inspiring and gut-wrenching speech with your last breath. And then die gracefully. Because no matter how violent your death, you will die quietly and peacefully. Unless you’re a red shirt or a useless lackey.

6. Every road trip contains at least one flat tire, which will inevitably lead to someone being kidnapped or murdered.

7. Violence absolutely solves everything.

The Laws of Superhero Plot Armor

8. No matter what disaster, event, you are in the middle of, there is always time for a long, passionate kiss. Nothing bad can happen in those 30-45 seconds.

9. People don’t generally care how many cities you destroy if you tell them “I’m here to help.”

10. If a superhero takes the phrase “the world is your playground” literally, you’re gonna have a bad time.

11. An itty-bitty mask or a pair of wiry glasses will conceal your identity from anyone.

The Laws of How TF Are They Communicating

12. Aliens all speak English; it’s their native language or something.

13. There are two languages on this planet. People from other countries speak english with an accent, or they speak in a strange gibberish known as “subtitles.”

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